I am home

I am home, and now it is time for the next step. Realistically, I should be looking for a job to begin slowly integrating myself with the rest of society and have my memories of YWAM be just that: memories of a time where I met God radically and knew what the glory of the Lord looked like. Wait, what? No no no...that does not seem right at all. I have a fire burning inside of my chest, unsatisfied by the prospect of having to contain all that I am into what normality looks like to our society. Nope. Not now. I have a message on my heart and I have the best way to get it out there this up coming January.

During debrief week, which was a time where my entire school could get together for one last week and enjoy each other's presence, I began to realize that not going to the UK for the SBS was may not had been what God wanted. Just like Mary, I had let Lazarus died and put him in a tomb without believing that God would be able to come around and do what he does. I received the verse John 11:40, in which Jesus said, "Did I not tell you if you believed you would see the glory of God?" So...with a little gentle, but really good, rebuking from the big guy, I walked into the next session of debrief not knowing what was going to happen.

"My soul being shaken, I managed to see that which could be falter in my heart. My very essence felt the fire on this calling, so now my feet journey forth to grasp hold of it and seize this time..."

Aaron and Ronda Barker will be leading the April Quarter Call2All DTS in 2011, and they will be doing a call to missions tour on the west coast for 3-4 weeks in January. When I heard what they were doing, my spirit jumped violently around my body as I felt God telling me that a new chapter in my life was about to begin and I also felt as if He was telling me to go do the tour and staff the school. As of right now, I am still praying about it but I feel peace, even excited, about doing it. Only God will know at this point.

That's all I have to say about that.

Shaving is a drag

~If given the chance, I would destroy you, just so I can help piece you back together again with less of you and more of Him.~ Randomness from a bored person.

Yeah, shaving is kind of a drag. I have to do it so it the rest of my handsome features will match my hair, seeing as short hair and a goatee makes me look like a villain off of a movie. All I need is a black trench coat and be able to slick my hair back. But really...how can you expect a guy to stand in front of a mirror for ten to fifteen minutes, taking a small utensil that has three horizontal blades and drag it across his face while running the risk of slicing his face just so he can remove some hair. Lets be honest, it does make me look handsome, and yeah, looking your best in this day and age is practically something you have to work on, but really? Cutting your face off? Is that beauty? (Hopefully you can sense the sarcastic humor in all of this, but really...shaving sucks.)

And another thing...I have lost too much weight. I am starting to look like an anorexic person...even though I still kinda eat junk and drink soda. Maybe its because of the rice and my body not being used to it...or the lack of beef. Can not trust the beef here. Too risky, not clean enough. But wonderful news: THE JACK-IN-THE-BOX IN KONA WILL BE OPEN WHEN WE GET HOME!!! ULTIMATE BACON CHEESEBURGER, WHAT WHAT!!! I hope my shrunken stomach will be able to handle such awesome glory, because I am going to force it. It will be a stomach ache that is totally worth it.

What else...teaching English soon...and I will be doing some story telling for some kids on the final two fridays we are here. Thanks Jak lol.

Just thought I would rant for everyone because...I feel like it. Miss some friends, can not wait to see them when I get back.

Oh...speaking of getting back, I only have 90 bucks in my bank account and no job. That will be fun! Hahaha.

Laturs

New Update! WWWOOOOAAAAAH!!

So, not much to say I suppose. The orphanage was going pretty well but we ran into a snag, mainly some issues with the people we were dealing with. That went on for a good two weeks, but now the guys have decided to stay back and maybe the girls will continue to go. They have to decide on that.

Meanwhile, there will be an opportunity to teach english at the school we first went to in the beginning! Super awesome I say! Maybe us guys can go there and do a little work for an hour, teach them English, and then do the work that our contact Dave needs us to do around the office. Nothing too big I imagine...

...anyways, starting to listen to more music. Daughters of Jerusalem by David Brymer and Truth of Tomorrow by Machinae Supremacy. One of my favorite metal bands...and it is not heavy metal or screaming people. Just...awesomeness. He did not mean for all music to be bad, so I believe it is the context in which the music is held that should be approached. You know, the heart in it.

Yeah...not much to say really. Miss the other people...miss some certain people...mah homies...yeah...

Would you forgive me?

Context: This has nothing to do with emotions or how I am feeling. I just felt like typing this because...sometimes I feel like writing things down. Geez...

Would you forgive me if I attacked you? Crushed you? Forced you in the dirt? Would you hate me if I destroyed what you were and rebuilt you in to an image of myself? If I took everything about you and fashioned it to my own liking? Would you forgive me if I slandered you, spoke malice behind your back, struck you from behind like a snake with words for venom? Would you forgive me if I made you submit to my will, ceasing to be your own person and being what I wish of you? Yes? No?

Would you be happy I saved your life? Would you smile if I brought you presents? If I placed notes by your bed confessing how I felt about you, even though you already knew? Would you love me if I sacrificed everything for you, changed who I was, crushed myself, destroyed myself, all so I could be what you wanted? If I held you all night long when you were sad? When you were lonely? Would you be happy if I did all these things, made my life to serve you and put you before myself? Yes? No?

Would you forgive me?

Would you hate me?

Would you love me?

Would you be happy?

In the end, all these things do not matter, whether your answer is yes or no. All that matters...is that you would be here. With me. And while you are here, I will serve you. Live my life for you. Do nothing to harm you. Would I crush you? No. But if I did...

...would you forgive me?

Boats and Birds- The Scene Aesthetic

If you'll be my star,
I'll be your sky
You can hide underneath me
and come out at night
When I turn jet black
and you show off your light

I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine

You can sky rocket away from me
And never come back if you
find another galaxy
Far from here,
with more room to fly
Just leave me your stardust
to remember you by

If you'll be my boat,
I'll be your sea
Depth of pure blue
just to proke curiosity
Ebbing and flowing,
and pushed by a breeze

I live to make you free
I live to make you free

And you can set sail to the west
if you want to
Pass the horizon
'til I can't even see you
Far from here,
where the beaches are wide
Just leave me your wake
to remember you by

If you'll be my star,
I'll be your sky
You can hide underneath me
and come out at night
When I turn jet black
and you show off your light

I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine

You can sky rocket away from me
And never come back if you
find another galaxy
Far from here,
with more room to fly
Just leave me your stardust
to remember you by

Stardust to remember you by

So...it has been a rough day.

You can always tell how a day is going to turn out from how well you get out of bed. If you get out quickly and ready to get started with the day, then you know it will be a good one. But, if you end up getting out bed very lazily and practically being late to a scheduled morning event, then you know that the day is going to be very complicated. Well...that sums up today.

Today we found out that eight M-workers and two local Afghans had been shot and killed in one of the northern provinces. The group was providing eye care for that part and were about to finish their three week trip. In fact, the group was supposed to be returning soon, which makes this all the more harder for the people who have now been left behind. Friends and family alike are shocked by the news, as is our own group. It has really opened my eyes to the line of work that I have willingly put myself in. The reality is, things can, and might, happen. All we can do is trust that there is a plan in all of this, and after some deep thinking, I know that there is a bigger thing going.

I just ask that you keep the friends and families of the workers who were killed in your minds as you go on and remember, Life is too short to be dealing with earthly things, so set your eyes higher.

Yours truly,

Reks (My nickname.)

Holy smokes!

Last time, on Dereks blog!

So, yeah, we had the Summer Program going on last time I made a blog. Well, now it is over, since it was only going on through the month of July and the kids are going back to actual school. It was fun, the kids were really starting to capture my heart but now, all good things must come to an end. The Kids Club will be going on for a couple of weeks, so about six sessions of that left and then the kids go to school, or home. Whichever comes first.

We might be going to work in orphanages, and the girls might be going to another province to do some work with the women there. Whatever we will be doing, we will be servants to the people we are serving, and continue to love on the people here and learn their ever confusing language. Its not easy, but at least I am starting to get the hang of it. Listening wise anyway...I am not very good at speaking it. Maybe thats because I also want to learn German and Portuguese...hmm....anyways.

I feel like writing a narrative about genesis. I have started it, but I dunno if it would be cool to post a chapter on my blog, separate of the Fantastical Adventures thread and going off something else. I will let you know what happens next, or just send an email to whoever wants to read it. ANYWAYS...thats it for me. Laters.

Day...something.

Ugh...time is so misplaced here that I sometimes forget what day it is and what is going on. Saturday-Wednesday is the schedule with Thursday and Friday being the weekend...so weird. I am starting to get used to it but it feels like time is just...slapping me around violently. My grasp on what is and is not seems to be just a tool of keeping me sane. Ah...enough of the weird talk, lets get down to business.

First things first...look at these bad boys here ---->
Do they not strike fear into your hearts? I mean...sure, maybe the one on the right may look a little...crazy, but the other two look just right. Anyways, for about twelves dollars US I was able to get the material and the tailoring done for my clothes. They are pretty magnificent.

We began a summer program for the kids here which is pretty cool. There is an Art, Drama, and Sports area, so the kids are able to get a variety of things done in the short time of three looooong hours. A contradiction, neat-o.

Also, we take care of some younger kids for their parents as they work in a little club which gives us some more chances to do some work and keep busy. A pretty full schedule of kids with about 6 hours every other day except Thursday and Friday. Not too hectic..but it gets a bit tiring. So far...

...anyways...I got sick the very first week...and I have the runs...so this is the end of the story for now. Have fun everyone!